Charrie Wars
by IWH-master
Summary: AH! Now charries are fighting! NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO! r & r also the other author is Sanzoslover
1. Ash vs Snowman

ASH KETCHEM (POKEMON) VS. SNOWMAN (DRAGON KNIGHTS)  
(also appearing is Miroku from Inu-yasha)  
(Disclaimer: We do not own these characters...we only added a few wacky  
traits.)  
  
By IWHmaster (and Sanzoswife)  
  
ASH: The evil little snowman danced around on the girl's head wondering when he should make his move. He loved being a curse, and wanted to give her a taste of his full force curse.  
  
SNOWMAN: I will act like I am drunk...and cute...then their defenses will drop...then I will make my move...mwahahahaha!  
  
ASH: She was talking harshly to this guy with dark hair; apparently his name was Tarp or was it Tarquin; he didn't know. He didn't really care; they would all feel the wrath of Mr. Frostbyte! Everything he saw had a really dark tint to it, his eyes being made of coal.  
  
SNOWMAN: But being as undeniably cute as I am, they all think the little pieces of coal are adorable...they do not know that these toothpick-like sticks that are called my arms can annihilate the world if I so choose.  
  
ASH: And blah, blah, and so forth, and then he found the perfect opportunity; she and her escort were drunk (mwaaahaha).  
  
SNOWMAN: Damn you...you skipped the best part...I wanted to tell them about my plot!  
  
ASH: BLAH, BLAH, THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO SAY (sticks tongue out at little pint-sized snowman).  
  
SNOWMAN: Eat frosty snotballs!!!!! (Begins to chuck frozen snot at Ash).  
  
ASH: (Ash dodges first few then gets hit) OW YOU LITTLE FROZEN #$% &$$!!!!!  
  
SNOWMAN: Mwahahahahaha!  
  
ASH: (Picks up sledgehammer and chases little popsicle) DIE LITTLE IMPUDENT BALLS OF SNOW!!!!!! (Starts to smash floor while trying to pulverize the snowman)  
  
SNOWMAN: (Runs around in tiny circles and then in between Ash's legs to escape the hammer) HHHHHEEEEEELLLLPPPP MMMMMEEEE!!!!!!  
  
ASH: (Ash, who happens to be a guy. He swings to hit the snowman as he runs through his legs and hits himself {if ya know what I mean}) OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! (falls to the floor holding his crotch)  
  
SNOWMAN: See...you are but a mere boy...I am the almighty powerful SNOWMAN!!! (Does a little victory dance and gets his arm stuck in the floor.)  
  
ASH: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SUCK! HAHAHAHA! DID YOUR LITTLE STICK ARM GET STUCKY WUCKY! MWAHAHAHA MWAHAHA! (starts rolling around on floor)  
  
SNOWMAN: (yanks arm off and runs to the kitchen to grab another toothpick, one cannot be found so he grabs a fork.) Stucky wucky this biotch! (stabs narrator in the ankle.)  
  
ASH: OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! YOU LITTLE BIOTCH, M&&% F&%!!!!!!!! (swoops arm down quickly and knocks "frosty's" head off)  
  
SNOWMAN: Oh shit! (the head yells as it rolls away. The body goes chasing after it)  
  
ASH: Oh no you don't! (he tries to kick the snowball body, but misses, and strains his knee ligament)  
  
SNOWMAN: (puts his head on upside down and slightly turned to one side, his eyebrows look like his mouth) I will kill you! (runs in tiny circles)  
  
ASH: NOT BEFORE YOU MELT AWAY! (brings out a heater, turns it on, and chases the snowman again) MELT AWAY! MELT AWAY! (has a crazed look on his face)  
  
SNOWMAN: (turns his head the right way with just enough time to run away. Stops and starts to run at Ash, fork poised for the kill) I'll take you with me! (Jumps on Ash's crotch and starts to stab with the only stick he has left)  
  
ASH: OOOWWWW LITTLE F$&!!! DIE PIECE OF SHIT! (hits snowman on the head with the heater, burning his hands in the mean time thus causing the snowman to stab him more) EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SNOWMAN: (Half of the snowman's head melts in the process, this only angers him further. He climbs up Ash using his toothpick as men would use an icepick until he reaches his neck then he raises his toothpick arm for the final blow) You will be the first to die in my conquest to take over the world!  
  
ASH: AAAHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! PIKACHU HELP!!!!!!!  
  
SNOWMAN: No Pokemon can save you now, you are mine! (drives the toothpick into Ash's neck, it punctures his throat with a lot of maniacal laughter)  
  
ASH: I... couldn't... catch... them... all. (speaking while gasping, he suddenly dies and his head drops to the side)  
  
SNOWMAN: (Bloodstained, looking like a cherry sno-cone, the snowman spits on the dead body of Ash) Catch this...Mwahahahahaha...wha...?  
  
MIROKU: HA! (rips beads from hand and the hole starts to suck everything from the room into it including Ash and the little Frosty wanna-be)  
  
SNOWMAN: Without my arms, how can I stop this hole from sucking me in! I am reduced to a snowman of summer...I am but a puddle on the hot and toasty ground! (Disappears into the hole in the Monks hand)  
  
MIROKU: (wraps beads around hand again) Now to get ready for the next battle. (runs into the kitchen and hides in the stove) 


	2. Miroku vs Kasumi

MIROKU (INU-YASHA) VS. KASUMI (RANMA ½)...and DR. TOFU  
(also appearing is Kei from Please Teacher)  
(Disclaimer: We do not own these characters...we only added a few wacky  
traits.)  
  
By IWHmaster (and Sanzoswife)  
  
MIROKU: (hiding in stove and giggling about the snowman from the last episode)  
  
KASUMI: (shuffles into the kitchen humming a little song and begins to prepare dinner) Oh dear, I hope Akane doesn't ask to help me today.  
  
MIROKU: (is still giggling to himself, and hears a female's voice) I wonder if she'll have my child. I need a woman with good hips and good cooking. I need to get a look at her.  
  
KASUMI: (reads a package she pulled from the freezer) It says to preheat the oven to 500 degrees, it seems a little hot...but oh well. (turns on the oven)  
  
MIROKU: (is still deciding whether to sneak a peek or not. Starts to fan himself) it's getting a little hot. It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes...  
  
KASUMI: (sniffs the air) Did I leave something in the oven? It smells awful...like Akane was cooking. (Opens the oven and stares at Miroku who hasn't even noticed she opened the door.)  
  
MIROKU: I am getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off! (stops when he notices that there is a draft. Looks up at Kasumi, and notices that he took his top off.) Uh-oh.  
  
KASUMI: (smiles sweetly) Hello there, would you like to stay for dinner?  
  
MIROKU: HEY YOU WERE GONNA COOK ME WEREN'T YOU!!!!!! (glares at her and climbs out of piping hot oven)  
  
KASUMI: Oh heavens no, I pay attention to the ingredients I use in my cooking. Unlike Akane. (squinty eyed smile)  
  
MIROKU: WHY ARE YOU SQUINTING AT ME!!????? I'LL SUCK YOU IN MY HOLE, AND YOU'LL BE LOST FOR ALWAYS AND ETERNITY!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!! I hope you like a dead Ash and a freaky little snowman (points hand at Kasumi)  
  
KASUMI: Oh dear...Ranma really should warn me when he has some of his more temperamental friends over. Or just over all mental.  
  
MIROKU: (stands up straight and looks solemn) I am not temperamental, miss, I at first (goes up to Kasumi and grabs her hand) was wondering if you would be the bearer of my child.  
  
KASUMI: I'm not sure father would approve, do you have money? I hope he is poor so that father has no reason to say yes...besides...if father approves of this marriage...Dr. Tofu will never have a chance to propose...I must stop this at all costs!  
  
MIROKU: There's always plenty, I could go find some, I have my ways to get what I want. Besides, no one else would want to marry you, you're a heathen, you were about to eat me!!!! (gives her an evil smile then looks smug) She's as good as mine.  
  
KASUMI: Oh great, a righteous control freak...I'll bet he's horrible in bed. (simply smiles her squinty eyed smile and remains silent)  
  
MIROKU: YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME AN ANSWER! STOP BEING SO SILENT!! YOU MUST! I NEED SOMEONE TO BEAR MY CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SMILING?! YOU CAN'T SMILE AT ME LIKE THAT! YOU HAVE TO DO IT! NO ONE ELSE WILL TAKE YOU! EVEN IF SOMEONE WOULD I WON'T LET THEM! THEY'D HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME FIRST! (his eyes are bugging out of his head, and look crazy, and his neck veins are popping out. He's breathing really hard)  
  
KASUMI: (smiles) This guy is a fricken psycho! I hope Dr. Tofu didn't forget that he was invited for dinner. Oh, I forgot to make dinner, this dumbass monk freak is in my way! Fear not Dr. Tofu, I will feed you even though I may perish! (leaves the monk to wallow in his wrath while she starts bustling around the kitchen making dinner.)  
  
MIROKU: (is watching her, she goes back and forth) She's not even noticing me now. What could possibly make her this ambitious to get dinner ready. WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME!!!! (lunges to the floor and grabs her ankle. Doesn't let her take him off) PLEASE TAKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DR. TOFU: (doesn't see Kasumi when he first enters the room but looks down at Miroku) Take you where?  
  
KASUMI: (drops a heavy ceramic bowl on Miroku's head as she twirls gracefully around, Miroku is still attached to her ankle...but unconscious. The bowl breaks and she walks over to Dr. Tofu dragging her leg) So nice...you re...membered...the lunch...ugh.  
  
DR. TOFU: (goes all Kasumi insane...glasses glint) Uh...uh...Kasumi! I uh...is something wrong with your leg? (glint...glint...glint...)  
  
KASUMI: Heavens no Dr. Tofu, but I have a monk stuck to my ankle.  
  
DR. TOFU: (blushes when she lifts up her skirt to show him the monk stuck to her petite ankle, blushes even more when he touches her ankle)  
  
MIROKU: (wakes up to an outstretched hand) NO NO NO!!!! AWAY EVIL THING!!! HEATHEN THAT IS TRYING TO STEAL MY HEATHEN!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!...  
  
DR. TOFU: (his hand spasms and he twists Miroku's head the wrong way, Miroku's neck breaks and he, obviously dead now, falls off the ankle of Kasumi) There you go Kasumi, now how about dinner?  
  
KASUMI: (slips her arm in his) Let's go out for dinner tonight.  
  
KEI: (runs in and is missing his glasses)  
  
DR. TOFU: After you Miss Kasumi.  
  
KEI: NO! Miss Kazumi you can't go with him, you're married to me!!! I HATE YOU, JUST BECAUSE DR. TOFU IS MY ADOPTED OLDER BROTHER DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU NEED TO GO WITH HIM!! I'M JUST AS GOOD AS HE IS. (runs to Kasumi and latches onto her arm. Lunges to the knife she was chopping with and hacks at the couple)  
  
KASUMI: Dr. Tofu, I never told you this, but I love you! I love you more than cooking! And that is saying a lot!  
  
DR. TOFU: Kasumi, I never told you this, but I love you! I love you more than your cooking! And that is saying a lot! (They both die)  
  
KEI: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU I'D GET YOU IN THE END!!! I WOULD NEVER LET YOU HAVE KAZUMI!!! (bends down and picks up Dr. Tofu's glasses, and look around) Oh, crap. (inches out of room) 


	3. Kei vs Faye Valentine

KEI (PLEASE TEACHER) VS. FAYE VALENTINE (COWBOY BEBOP)

(also appearing is Mosquiton from Master of Mosquiton)

(Disclaimer: We do not own these characters either… though Mosquiton is pretty cute IWH-master said that )

By IWH-master (and Sanzoswife)

KEI: (is hiding from the police in an "inconspicuous" spot **behind a bush in the local public park**) (whispers to self) I hope I don't get arrested… I can't believe what I just did. (for references look at the last chapter)

FAYE: (drops from a helicopter approximately a quarter of a mile away, she has located her target behind a bush in a nearby park, and wants to sneak up from behind. Starts running towards the direction of Kei) I'll get you. After all I am a bounty hunter. (does anime pose with the peace sign to the camera)

KEI: (is still just sitting behind the bush. He looks up and notices someone running towards him) OH MY GOD! THEY FOUND ME! (He starts running but to no avail)

FAYE: Dammit! The little squirt saw me! I'll just have to go into stealth mode… (drops to the ground and pulls a cat in front of her)

KEI: (while running his glasses fall off… yet again. His arms fling up as he trips over a root) AAAAAHHHHHHH! Oooowwwwwwwww! That really hurt. OH MY GOD! WHERE ARE MY GLASSES! (starts searching the ground for them and is ten yards away from them) Where are they, where are they!

FAYE: (is creeping on all fours towards Kei with the cat. Every time she takes a step with her hand she moves one of the cat's front paws with it while peeking around the cat from all angles. Is also whistling the theme to Mission Impossible. While crawling she hadn't noticed that a pine needle had scratched just above her collarbone)

KEI: (hears the whistling and looks in the general direction of the sound. All he sees is this giant blob of skin tone, yellow, and orange (the cat) coming at him) AAAAHHHH! Forget the glasses! (gets up and runs around blindly knocking into a lamp post, then tumbling forward onto a park bench)

FAYE: (stands up suddenly) NIKO-SAN ATTACK! (launches the cat at Kei)

KEI: (the cat hits him in the head clinging to his face) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (is screaming bloody murder) OH MY GOD! (is trying to pull the cat from his face, and screams every time he attempts to do so) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My face! (starts running around with the cat attached to his face)

FAYE: (tackles him to the ground, holds him there with her knee, and rips the cat from so said face. Holds the cat at arms length by the scruff so as to avoid injury to herself. Is pushing Kei's face to the ground) Ha! I've caught you now evil doer! I can fix my ship and be in Vegas for a year off of your bounty! Ha ha ha ha! (slightly evil laugh)

KEI: No! You'll never take me alive! I have to see Miss Kazumi again! (starts flipping out again, but luckily for Faye there are no knives here)

FAYE: Oh yeah! Tough guy huh? (drops cat which runs away only to pounce on a butterfly and pulls out her taser)

KEI: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (bucks wildly making her tip off of him, and he crawls very fast away only to feel a tug on his pants leg)

FAYE: (she first watches as the butterfly lands on Kei's leg luring the cat causing it to attach to Kei's leg… while he is preoccupied with the cat she runs to the helicopter to grab her bazooka)

KEI: Stupid cat! Get offa my leg! (yanks at the cat. All you see of the cat are the two back legs bobbing up and down causing a mother to cover her daughter's eyes and walk quicker)

FAYE: (aims at Kei but the cat is in the way) I don't wanna hit the kitty! Dork! (runs up to Kei and knocks him over the head with the bazooka)

KEI: Oof! (flies back, his head hits the ground and the cat runs after the butterfly. He is now unconscious)

FAYE: (picks him up by his collar. He is dangling from her grasp, and he has swirls for eyes) I'm gonna kill you, you little brat!

MOSQUITON: (enter the vampire)

FAYE: (she sees a handsome man walking toward her) Ooooo! (drops Kei and he flops to the ground with a loud thump)

MOSQUITON: (sees that she dropped some guy and sees her start to walk towards him. He stops walking, not really expecting much of this situation)

FAYE: (approaches with a feminine swagger) Hey I've never seen you on this tarmac before. (wink)

MOSQUITON: Of course you haven't. (suddenly notices the scratch on her neck yeah remember the scratch from the pine needle and is enticed) B-B-But…

FAYE: Stuttering… (wags finger at him) is not cute.

MOSQUITON: (regains composure) Yes. I'm dreadfully sorry. I don't usually find myself doing such things, however, this particular time I'm afraid it was unavoidable. (bows low to show his apology is sincere)

FAYE: Now that is cute! (raises an eyebrow in a seductive way)

Meanwhile…

KEI: (wakes with incredible pain coursing through his head, looks over and notices that Faye is preoccupied with some guy) Should I run now? (he asks himself this)

Back to…

MOSQUITON: My you smell wonderful. (he is holding her close to his being and taking every bit of the scent of blood he can snatch from the air)

FAYE: (is caught speechless because such a handsome man is holding her so close)

KEI: (decides to try and run)

MOSQUITON: (is slowly pulling her face toward his) I think that the apology includes a kiss for such a beautiful young woman. (is almost to her face…)

FAYE: I'll take you up on that offer in just a sec… (pulls out her pistol from her holster, points her arm in the direction of Kei, and without taking her eyes off of Mosquiton fires a shot right into the back of Kei's head. She then re-holsters the pistol leaving Kei to fall to the ground without a last word) Okay, where were we? (smiles as he leans in)

They kiss!

MOSQUITON: You taste delectable as well.(he starts to lean to the cut on her neck REMEMBER THE CUT!)

FAYE: (is blissfully unaware of his true motives)

MOSQUITON: (he connects to the cut and starts to suck, slowly at first then by the time he was done her body had gone rigid, then limp, and he let her drop to the ground only twenty feet from her victim) Your blood was so sweet, fair young lady. (sees Faye's helicopter and takes it)

(A.N. Stay tuned for the next battle of the oddly placed characters Mosquiton (Master of Mosquiton) vs. Integra (Hellsing) vs. Happosai (Ranma1/2) and enjoy their screwed up adventures! We know we do. )


	4. Mosquiton vs Chi

MOSQUITON (MASTER OF MOSQUITON) VS. CHI (CHOBITS)

(also appearing is Happosai from Ranma ½)

(Disclaimer: We again don't own these characters… **weep weep**. Go Mosquiton! And Chi! We switched the other character to Chi because it would be an even better opportunity for humorous events)

By IWH-master (and Sanzoswife)

MOSQUITON: (is flying in the helicopter and out of nowhere he starts to hear an annoying beeping sound) What the Hell? Where is that sound coming from? (the helicopter starts to go down) OUT OF GAS! (he had finally seen the blinking light) WHAT IS GAS! (the helicopter crashes in a parking lot, taking out a boatload of cats) MMMEEEEEOOOOWWWWW!(that was the cats) OOWWW! (he climbs out of the wreckage and finds that he is bleeding. It quickly heals but this takes energy so he wants a "snack." He starts to wander down the street and spots a girl on top of a lamppost)

CHI: (is sitting on the lamppost, in her white and blue dress, staring into space. Her ribbons are flowing oh so gracefully)

MOSQUITON: (starts to creep towards the lamppost) she looks delectable.

CHI: (she glances down and sees him. She alights from the lamppost and flutters down ever so gracefully... until she lands, cracking the sidewalk under her seemingly delicate feet. She looks at him with her digital focus, and cocks her head to the side) Chi?

MOSQUITON: (looks down at her and cocks and eyebrow) Okay? What are you?

CHI: (points finger at him) Hideki!

MOSQUITON: (takes her hand) Is your hand all right? What is Hideki? Can you understand me? (is bending so that his face is right in front of hers)

CHI: (takes her hand away from him) Not what… who.

MOSQUITON: (puts hands in the air) What do you mean who?

CHI: (takes his hand) Hideki is a who, not a what.

MOSQUITON: Hideki is a who… so Hideki is a person?

CHI: Hideki is Chi's.

MOSQUITON: (thinks for a moment) Who is Chi?

CHI: Chi is Chi (puts her hand to her chest)

MOSQUITON: OH! So you are Chi! Well is Hideki your slave, vampire, or did you think that I was your slave? (starts to confuse himself)

CHI: Hideki is Chi's special someone.

MOSQUITON: Okay… but why did you call me Hideki?

CHI: (looks confused) Chi?

MOSQUITON: (starts to feel a little more weak, and sinks to his knees. He then looks up at her) so what is a cute little thing like you wandering around, and perching on light posts for?

CHI: (looks confused) Chi?

MOSQUITON: Ummmmmmmmm… yeah. No. Why are you wandering around?

CHI: (looks confused) Chi?

MOSQUITON: (droops head) ah! Okay? (looks back up) you feel a little cold. It's not so good if someone like me can tell that you are colder.

CHI: What is cold?

MOSQUITON: (cocks an eyebrow again) do you know anything? (he is starting to get a little annoyed and is ready to suck her dry without polite conversation first)

CHI: Chi does not have feelings like humans do.

MOSQUITON: Like humans do? (he is getting suspicious of Chi)

CHI: Chi is a persocom.

MOSQUITON: (thinks for a sec then decides that he doesn't want to bother trying to find out what a persocom is. He gets up and lunges at her, his teeth hit metal) OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW! What the hell!

CHI: What were you trying to do? (she looks at him sympathetically)

MOSQUITON: YOU AREN'T A HUMAN? (he held his mouth. He started ranting. This showed his dark side even more, his fangs elongating with each start of a new sentence, and his eyes slowly turn red)

CHI: Chi is a persocom… a walking computer. You aren't human? (looks even more confused)

MOSQUITON: (looks at her with bloodshot eyes and his fangs popping out and stares in disbelief) NO! I'M A FREAKING VAMPIRE! YOU KNOW A BLOODSUCKER!

CHI: You are definitely freaking out. Maybe you should see a doctor. (still sympathetic and holding hands out to him)

MOSQUITON: (looks at her hands in even more disbelief) WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS ME! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED! (he was losing his patience, and even more strength)

CHI: (cute little Japanese bow) I'll do my best to be scared. (turns and runs delicately away waving hands in the air) AAAAHHH A FREAKING VAMPIRE! YOU KNOW A BLOODSUCKER!

MOSQUITON: (he runs after her) what the hell is she doing?

CHI: (runs into a dead end and is trapped against a brick wall)

MOSQUITON: (sees her and starts to run full speed at her)

CHI: (puts hands out in front of her one in front of the other so as to stop his impact)

MOSQUITON: (is about two inches from her neck when he feels an overwhelming pressure in his chest area and stops. Looks down to his chest)

CHI: (looks at her arms. She can only see to her elbow. The rest has impeded his being, pushing his heart out of him through his back)

MOSQUITON: (is coughing) I've been run through by a "scared" walking computer! (drops off of her arms and falls to the ground)

CHI: (drops to the ground and holds him to her. She starts crying for Hideki because now she is scared because she killed someone)

HAPPOSAI: What a haul! What a HAUL! (hops to the entrance of the alley. Notices Chi) OOOOOhhhhh! What a chest! (runs over to her)

CHI: (is crying, and looks up at Happosai with glossy eyes) I didn't mean to kill him. He ran into me. (shifts Mosquiton a little)

HAPPOSAI: (notices her panties showing a little from under her skimpy dress) Ooooo! Panties!

CHI: (looks down and notices that he can see her underwear) Hideki goes crazy seeing panties too!

HAPPOSAI: (eyes are bright. He wants her panties. He lifts her skirt)

CHI: (uses Mosquiton's body as a hammer of sorts, and whacks Happosai on the head, squishing him)

HAPPOSAI: Ooooo! You are one feisty girl! Hot dog!

CHI: (starts to run, ends up in a garbage dump)

HAPPOSAI: What a haul! (is running after Chi, and trips over a lever)

CHI: (is picked up by a huge magnet, which scrambles her data, and drops her into a trash compactor, where she is NO MORE)

HAPPOSAI: (watches this event, can't believe his eyes, and creeps away)

(this stuff is getting more and more screwed up as we make more of them. Tee hee! Okay so we enjoy everyone reading these messed up things. Our next one will contain Happosai (Ranma ½) yet again vs. Sanzo (Saiyuki) vs. Integra (Hellsing) GO US! And yes we like making them out of character! Boo ya! )


End file.
